Categories
Articles

Sex Keywords Galore!

Here is a huge list of keywords I use for KinkAcademy and PassionateU and thought it might be helpful for others!

 

Lube & Lubrication

lube, lubrication, masturbation, handjob, hand job, spit, slick, anal sex, dry, wet, liquid silk, KY jelly, astroglide, vagina, probe, vagina, anus, flavored lube, maxim, sextoys, sex toys, sex toys, sex toy,

slippery, condom, condoms, glycerin, yeast, paraffin free, lubricant, water-based lubes, silicon-based lubes, lick, cream-based lube, drippy, drip, hydro-smooth, maximus, gel-based lubes, oh my, glycerin-free, flavored lubes

jelly, juice, wank, spit, oil, lubricunt , vegetables

Introduction to Sex Toys

sex, dildo, vibrator, toys, dildos, anal, penis, orgasm, vibrators, vagina, sex toy, lesbians, masturbation, cock, pussy, cilt, clitoris, cunt, plastic, sex aids, vegetables, porno, strap on, positions, intercourse, jizz, fuck, orgasm, condom, toys, toy, pleasure, tease, vibrate, bullet, wand, rabbit, foreplay, sexual health

insertion, jelly latex, glass, Pyrex, hard plastic, flesh-light, flesh light, silicone, the cone, steel,

jelly latex, soft, cheap, materials, cyberskin, non-toxic, nontoxic, safe, nonporous, hard plastic, vinyl, aluminum, metal grade plastics, stainless steel, body-friendly, medically safe,

sex toys, sex toy, sextoys, sextoy, masturbation, hitachi, vagina, anus, anal sex, fucking, rabbit, vibrator, vibrating, vibration, self love, shopping, buying, shop, buy, order, foreplay, vibe, humping

shop, store, wankers, video, bullet, wand, rabbit, luxury, glass, clamp, massage, suction, wireless, silicone, latex, rubber, allergy, hypoallergenic, sexual health, couples, cock ring, waterproof, kit, beads, personal,

buying, price, internal use, external use, bullet, randy, phthalate, phthalate free, visual appeal, animal-theme, internal play, internal play, slum line, cone, magic wand, quiet, internal use, external use, stroking, tickling, stimulation, stimulating, dual stimulation, vibration style, spice up sex life, orgasm, price, type of play, shopping

Sextoys
Dual stimulation, penetration, erectile dysfunction, reasons for sextoys, penetrative toys, stimulation, G-spot stimulation, prostate stimulation, acrylic, pyrex, curve, curved toys, dual ends, vagina, smart balls, bum, anus, anal play, mouth, oral play, dildo, suck on dildo, dildos, kegel exercises, silicon, taint, grundle, perineum, sterilize, sterilized, strap-free strap on, strap-free strap ons, strap on, deep throat, stainless steel, sensation play, hot, cold, speculum, phallic, price, how to use, function, material, aesthetic, aesthetics

Tickling Toys
head massager, scrap, tip, toes, digging it in, head band, hair holder, feather duster, pens, writing on the feet, pointy stick, drink stirrer, pointy things, fondue fork, plastic fork, pizza box stand,

comb, dog toys, baby oil, slippery, sliding, ky jelly, lubricants, gardening work gloves, gardening tools, back scratcher, toy sharks,

caress, contact, flick, glance, graze, kiss, scrape, shave, skim, smooth, stroke, sweep,

play, playful, fun, tickle, tickling, finger, fingers, touch, intimate, intimacy, laugh, light, feather, ticklee, tickler, sensual, sadistic,

wrestling, fingers, knees, toes, soles, touch, sensation, cockle, pain, feet, orgasm, victim, laugh, giggle, groping, twitching, squirming, tickle top, rubbing,

Tickling

caress, contact, flick, glance, graze, kiss, scrape, shave, skim, smooth, stroke, sweep,

play, playful, fun, tickle, tickling, finger, fingers, touch, intimate, intimacy, laugh, light, feather, ticklee, tickler, sensual, sadistic,

wrestling, fingers, knees, toes, soles, touch, sensation, cockle, pain, feet, orgasm, victim, laugh, giggle, groping, twitching, squirming, tickle top, rubbing,

Introduction to Tickling – Part 1
laughing, exploring, sensitivity, sensitive, squirm, neck, toes, light touching, light touch, freeze, experiment, experimenting, nose, nook and cranny, nails, skin on skin, fingernails, ribs, side, stomach, anticipation, scratching, navel, belly button

Introduction to Tickling – Part 2
hips, hip pocket, hip pockets, breasts, breast, boobs, boob, tits, skin, erogenous zone, best place to tickle, exploration, laughing, exploring, sensitivity, sensitive, sensitivity testing, squirm, female anatomy, legs, long legs, leg, long leg, ankle, ankles, circular motion, butt, buttocks, ass, thigh, back of leg, back of thigh, behind the knee, back of the knee, stretch, vulnerable, feet, tops of feet, feather, finger, fingers, toe curl, curling toes, curled toes, ticklish spots, behind the ears, ears, neck, nipple, nipples, stomach, ribs, side, navel, belly button, nooks and crannies, nook and cranny, calves, calf

Finger Tickling
finger, fingers, finger tips, squeezing, squeeze, one finger, multiple fingers, play, dig, digging, games, psychological bondage, rib bones, between rib bones, base of spine, wiggle, wiggling, knee, side of knee, finger nails, kneecap, sensitivity, sensitive, stomach, tickle workout, surprise, surprises, surprising, using your body for bondage, knuckles, hips, hip pocket, hip pockets, sensitivity, sensitive, sensitivity testing, squirm, wrestling holds

Face Slapping

edge play, taboo, intimate, intense, face, face slap, face slapping,  dominance, submission, power, fingers, punishment, hand, sensual sadistic, hit, strike, pimp slap, five fingers, slapper, backhand, ouch,corporal punishment, safety

Face Slapping Sensations and Motivations
versatility, classic punishment, verbal humiliation, emphasize point, emphasis, intimacy, power, intensity, vulnerable, vulnerability, shock, anger, humiliation, power, personal power, power exchange, psychological, physical, personal, intimate, mind fuck, slapping, punching, stinging, dizzy, dizziness, whiplash, tingling, eye-watering, emotions, degraded, degradation, preparation, how to gauge power, how to gauge force, extended face slapping, empowering, empowerment, adrenaline, eye contact, discuss, discussion, happy slapping, negotiate, negotiation, communication, corporal punishment, safety

Face Slapping Safety
discuss, discussion, negotiate, negotiation, communication, remove jewelry, no jewelry, flat hands, open hands, slapping, not punching, flexible, backhand, fingers, cheek, where to slap, face, steady, aiming, boxing ears, focused aim, focused motion, palm slapping, jaw, lockjaw, tmj, TMJ, support, neck injury, jaw injury, eye injury, ear injury, anger, control, out of control, flinch, flinching, practice, avoid flinching, hurt, communicating, fingernails, hand placement, firm but flexible, emergency, concussion,corporal punishment, safety,

Face Slapping Techniques and Positions
flat hands, open hands, slapping, firm slap, firm slapping, flexible, backhand, fingers, cheek, where to slap, face, steady, steady aim, aiming, focused aim, focused motion, support, prevent flinching, hand placement, firm but flexible, corporal punishment, cheek, cheeks, balance, imbalance, squish, slap-squish, intimate, body contact, eye contact, wall position, leg squeeze, safety,

Safe Sex

glove, rubber, protection, std, Trojan, pregnancy, birth control, jimmy, jimmy hat, johnny, contraceptive, prophylactic, aids, rain, coat, latex, bareback, magnum, semen, safe, jizz, safe sex, love glove, dental dam

All About Condoms
Latex, polyurethane, lambskin, sheepskin, durex, Trojan, flavored,  colored, wear a condom, put on a condom, black condoms, anal play, oral play, expense, feelings, masturbation, myth, myths, thin condom, lubricated condoms, ejaculation, semen, reservoir tip, pleasure, apply condom, pubic hair, condom removal, condom dismount, where to put used condoms, used condoms

Condom Usage
Put on condom with your mouth, put on condom with mouth, how to apply a condom with your mouth, right direction to roll a condom, lips, what destroys condoms, how to store condoms, condom storage, expiration date, when to check the expiration date, squeeze test, how to carry a condom, condom carrier

Bondage

tie up, bind, bound, restraint, restrain, gimp, slave, femdom, domme, sub, submission, b&d, humiliation, masochism, sadist, sado-masochism, discipline, cuffing

decoration, bondage, lark’s head, lark’s head knot, rope skirt, suspension, hip, hips, leg, legs, waist, alternating lark’s head, larks head, larkshead, weight distribution, garter belt, symmetry, function, aesthetic, decorative,

Trampling
foot, feet, slam, jumping, bounce, heels, high, stomping, podofilia, trample, step on, stand on,

S&M 24/7
power, power dynamics, SM, S&M, dominance, submission, dominate, submit, dominant, submissive, RT, real time, roles, partnership, relationship, full time, 24/7, lifestyle, life style

Power Dynamics
Domme, Dom, Dominant, Dominate, FemmeDomme, submissive, sub, submit, sub space, switch, slave, servant, contract, D&s, D/s, top, bottom, domination, erotic power, power exchange

Insertables
dildo, butt plug, vibrator, sex, toy, steel, njoy, lube,

hand job
hand job, handjob, jacking off, beat off, manual sex, jack it, wack, masturbate,

Blow Job,
blowjob, blow job, blowjobs, blow jobs, felaltio, oral sex, fellatio, sucking, suck, lick, licking, hummer, bj, head

Anal play
rim job, butt fuck, sodomy, rectum,
anal, anus, anal sex, ass, ass sex, prostrate, stimulation, ass play, prostate massage

Rope
hanging, rigging, secure, tight, hemp, nylon, climbing, frame, swing, suspend, chain, shibari, knot, mfp, jute

rope bondage
hanging, rigging, secure, tight, hemp, nylon, climbing, frame, swing, suspend, chain, shibari, knot, mfp, jute, restraint, bondage, tie up, bind, bound, restraint, restrain

storing rope
organizing toys, organization

watersports
piss play, watersports, water sports, urine,

Flogging techniques
flogger, flogging, floggers, impact play, techniques, technique

DIY/Crafts
do it yourself, do-it-yourself, DIY, make it yourself, kinky crafts, crafting, hand made

Long distance,
long distance relationship, online romance, long-distance,

Female Anatomy
pussy, vagina, vag, vulva, muff, cooter, poon, coochie, labia, clitoris, snatch, twat, g-spot, g spot,
twat, vag, box, muff, gash, beaver, snatch, clit, hole, minge, crotch,
internal, external, clit

Male Anatomy

penis, dick, cock, balls, scrotum, dong, schlong, boner, wiener, prick, wanker, willy, Johnston, ass, rectum, prostate, anal, anus, anal sex, ass, ass sex, p spot, p-spot,

Dragon Tail
whip, whiplike, punishment, dragontail, dragon-tail, dragon tail, rat tail, leather, impact, impact play, sadism, sadistic, pain

Fire Play
alcohol, fire, setting someone on fire, pyro, pyromaniac, pyrophilia, flame, flash, fire cups, flash paper, flash cotton, edge play, fireplay, fire play safety

Nipples
nipple, breast, breasts, NT, nipple torture, clamps, clips, pinch, clothespins, nipple play, tits, zipper,boobs,

nipples torture
nipple, breast, breasts, NT, nipple torture, clamps, clips, pinch, clothespins, nipple play, tits, boobs, forceps, clover clamps, chopsticks, alligator clamps

Aftercare
cuddles, cuddle, cuddling, holding, connection, heal, warm, caress, after care, gentle, kisses, checking in

Sissy Training
sissy, sissify, sissification, sissy training, train my sissy, role-play, roleplay, role play, submissive, submission, sissy maid, sissymaid, sissy maid training, housekeeping, protocol, service, forced feminization, feminization

Spanking
spank, spanking, spankee, spanko, smack, hit, punishment, corporal punishment, OTK, hand, paddle,

Ass, butt, buttocks, bum, dominant, top, bottom, submissive, bruising, anatomy, communication, vital organs, places to spank, places not to spank, ass-spanking

Electrical Play
TENS unit, violet wand, electro, electrosex, e-stim, estim, powerbox, power box, zap, shock, electrify, spark, AC, electrode,

New to the scene
new, newbies, new to the scene, newcomer, ettiquette

Submissive safety call

Enema Play
ass, anal, butt, liquid, cleaning, rim job, hygiene, anal sex preparation

Medical Play
needles, speculum, catheter, catheter, wartenberg wheel, medical role play, sounding, sounds, enema, enema bag, forceps, forcep, rubber gloves, examination, instruments, syringe,

Kissing
kiss, kissing, making out, mouth, lips, snogging, french, macking, necking, sucking face, hickey, smooch, first base, tonsil hockey, foreplay, fore play, intimacy, intimate, sensual

Oral sex
lick, tongue, suck, mouth, head, bj, 69, eating out, fellatio, deep throating, gagging, cunnilingus

Scene
session, playtime, play time, play-time, set the mood, candles, music, safe word

Polyamory
multiple partners, relationships, relationship, swinging, swingers, poly, polygamy, polyandry, wife swapping, loves, menage trois, husband swapping, polyfilial, open relationship, leather household, inclusive relatnship, inclusive relatnship, multipartner relationship,

Corset
binder, waist cincher, corsets, underbust, boning, victorian, steam punk, tight lacing, waist training, goth, steel, girdle, bodice, busk, garter, cinching

Sexual Orientation
gay, straight, queer, bisexual, bi, homosexual, heterosexual, het, hetero, homo, pansexual, omnisexual, gender, boi, genderqueer, asexual, sexual identity,

Strap-on
strap on, strap-on, strapon, strapons, strap-ons, strap ons, dildo, harness, pegging, peg, sex, toys, ass sex, anal sex, Cock, dick, fuck, fucking, stamina,

Latex
Rubber, rubberwear, latex, latex clothing, fashion, clothes, silicone, shiner, shiny, shine, second skin, texture, fetish wear, slick, fitted, hood, mask,

submissive training
training, protocol, slave training,

Sex Ed
sexual education, sex ed, information, informative

Humiliation
degradation, degrade, humiliation, humiliate, tease, torment, embarrassed, mock, make fun of, abuse, verbal abuse, dishonor,

BBW
fat, big-boned, chubby, feeder, feederism, BBW,  big beautiful woman, fat pride, big beautiful women, fatism, sizism, big, fat lover

Impact play
dragontail, dragon tail, quirt, quirk, sting, thud, lash, welt, restrained, struck, flagellation, wrapping, Florentine, single tail, cane, paddle, fist, crop, corporal punishment, spanking, percussion play, bruising, marks, making bruises that last

Pony Play
animal play, animal, pet play, ponies, pony, pony play, pony boy, pony girl, pony training, human pony, tack, gait, grooming, riding, car, saddle, trainer, show pony, show ponies, equestrian, hoof boots, harness, bit, bridle, exhibition, tail, trot, canter, gallop, dressage

Flogging
flogger, flogging, flog, impact play, corporal punishment

Force Feminization
ladyboy, sissy, cross dressing, sissification, feminine, age play, servitude, maid, school girl, secretary, locking, heels, dresses, naming, name change,

Fantasy
dream, secret, role play, surprise, thoughts,suspension of reality

Name calling
slut, whore, pig, tramp, bitch, insult, humiliation, nick name, pet name, words,

Foot fetish
high heels, foot, feet, socks, stockings, stinky, boots, sucking, licking, worship, socks, boots, shrimping,

Hair play
brushing, pulling, taken from behind, tug, handle bars, pig tails, school girl, care, exerting physical control

Breath Play
asphyxiation, breath control, gas mask, rebreather bag, suffocation, Breathe, breath, hold your breath, suffocate, plastic bag, pillow, mask, hood, hand over mouth,
, scarfing, erotic,

Rape Play
surprise sex, rape, rape play, rapeplay, consensual non-consent, forced, pretend resisting, role play, age play, ravishment, captivity

Surprise Sex
Rape, kidnap, intense, intensity, interrogation, emotional, emotion, unexpected, forceful, violent, safe words, safe word, safe, application, interrogate, bondage, consent, written consent, aftercare, past experiences, victim

Blood Play
vampire, vampyre, vampirism, vampyrism, cutting, needles, phlebotomy, drinking blood, blood fetish, blood sports, abrasion, scratching, piercing, temporary piercings, piercings, edge play, fear play, endorphins, scarfication, gauge

Sensational Play
sensual, touch, ice cubes, ice cube, wax play, physical, light, endorphins, flying, sensory, deprivation, mummification, tiger balm, breath mints, wintergreen, spearmint, peppermint, figging

Genital Torture
CBT, cock and ball torture, cunt torture, ball crusher, ball stretching, cock ring, cock rings, ball stretcher, ball stretchers, genital torture, torture, ball bust, scrotum, urethral, testicles, humbler, cock cage, cages, weights

Chastity
belt, withheld, privilege, prevent, surrender,  control, custom, bespoke, cage, padlocks,
dominance, submission, orgasm, submit, training, lock, abstinance, tease and denial, celibacy, celibate

Food
sploshing, Sitophilia, fruits, vegetables, meat, penetration, phallic, messy, Vore, food play, WAM, wet,

Protocol
manners, educate, etiquette, behavior, rules,
Service, servitude, discipline, punishment, training, dominance, submission, submissive, dominant, dominate, submit, tone of voice, presentation, service oriented, respect

Stretching
Stretch, stretching, healthy body, preparation, positions, anatomy, movement, muscles, strength, health, fitness, workout

exercise
exercise, workout, work out, health, fitness, movement, muscles, strength,

communication

Age Plat Intro
naughty cheerleader, role playing, role play, little girl, ageplay, child play, fulfilling emotional needs, deeper, emotional, caregiver, care giver, emotional fulfillment, ageplayer, age player, letting go, forgetting stress, giving up control, sexual taboos, teacher and student, little, littles, big, daddy, mommy

Categories
Opportunities

Leather Archives & Museum Scholar Program

Chicago, IL – The Leather Archives & Museum [LA&M] announced the 2013 – 2014 Visiting Scholar Program for the Fall 2013 or Spring 2014 academic terms.  A stipend of $1,000 will be awarded to one recipient scholar to conduct research using the collections of the LA&M.  A travel reimbursement allowance of up to $1,000 will also be provided to the recipient.

The award is available to three types of scholars:

  1. Scholars with academic appointments
  2. Graduate students pursing an MFA or PhD
  3. Independent scholars with an established research agenda

The LA&M is seeking projects that may enhance the institution’s mission to disseminate information to the public about the history of the leather / fetish / BDSM community and its culture.  Toward that end, they are particularly interested in proposals that may provide materials for display in its galleries, as a traveling exhibit or as an online exhibition.

Applications for the program must be postmarked by April 2nd, 2013.  For information on how to apply, please visit the program’s website.

Categories
Articles

First international Sex Coaching survey conducted by Sex Coach U

We have the rare privilege to produce a peer-reviewed article for an esteemed journal in our field on the topic of SEX COACHING. With such a broad scope, we thought it would be insightful and impactful to conduct a brief survey among those who self identify as a “sex coach” and to ask a few detailed questions (34).

Please help us to substantiate our approaches, differentiate our uniqueness, and to celebrate this new form of sexuality education/counseling/coaching for clients around the world. If you would like to talk to us personally, our emails and phone numbers are below to set up a Skype or phone call.

Click here to go to the survey!

Categories
Videos

How to Be Kinkier – a book review

Kali Williams received the book “How to Be Kinkier: More Adventures in Adult Playtime” (which is a follow up to “How to Be Kinky”) and shared her thoughts on why it’s a great book to add to your collection!

Categories
New Members

Kali Williams

Kali’s expertise has been sought on a variety of BDSM and sexuality topics, and she has lectured at Harvard, RISD, and Brown University as well as institutions and organizations the world over. She has also been a popular speaker particularly in the Kink community, appearing at lifestyle venues including Black Rose, Fetish Flea Fair, Leather Retreat and Kink in the Carribean. A more complete list of her speaking engagements can be found here. Please see the Speaking page if you are interested in engaging Kali to speak at your next event.

Kali has devoted herself to sexual education for adults, founding the Kink Academy in 2007 and branching out to Passionate U, an education website for adults of all levels of experience. She is also the founder of the Fearless Press, which explores all aspects of the BDSM community, from everyday life to relationships to spirituality and personal style.

Categories
Articles

Assessment of therapists’ attitudes towards BDSM

Assessment of therapists’ attitudes towards BDSM

Published in 2012, the paper surveyed 766 therapists from the American Psychological Association’s Practice Directorate website to assess therapists’ attitudes towards the BDSM. Most people consider the APA to be a mainstream organization.

While BDSM participants are wary of their interactions with mental health professionals, the data are more encouraging. According to the paper, “The majority of those surveyed did not agree with statements equating BDSM with pathology. Sixty-seven per cent agreed or strongly agreed with the statement: ‘BDSM can be part of a healthy, long-term relationship.’ Similarly, 70% disagreed or strongly disagreed that interest in BDSM should be eliminated by therapy.”

Seventy-six per cent of therapists reported having treated at least one BDSM client but only 48% perceived themselves to be competent to treat BDSM clients. Not surprising since 64% reported receiving no training in BDSM during their graduate education. Thankfully, 52% sought additional training after graduation. Those with even some training had more accepting attitudes than those without any training. Older and more conservative therapists had more negative attitudes towards BDSM, as well.

The good news is that most are willing to learn and this is where CARAS has an important role. Currently, our conference is the only one specifically focused on alternative sexualities. It also provides American Psychological Association approved continuing education for therapists. Usually, 2/3 of our conference attendees are from outside the community. We fill a significant unmet need and we are helping mainstream appropriate therapy for people from alternative sexuality communities including BDSM.

Often, it seems that the community views therapists as potential adversaries. As this paper points out, we’ve largely won the BDSM versus pathology battle. What we need to concentrate on now, is better professional education for a largely willing and interested therapeutic community.

This was posted in the CARAS Fetlife group by entropy

Categories
Events

The Romance of Kink

Presented by Princess Kali (aka Kali Williams) at the Good Vibrations – Brookline, MA

October 9th from 8pm – 10pm

Did you get all hot and bothered by the books read ’round the world, come to Good Vibrations October 10th @8pm

The “50 Shades of Grey” trilogy has been stirring up a lot of attention and a lot of libidos! If you (or your partner) read these books and found the spanking and silk ties arousing, then you do NOT want to miss this class. Princess Kali will talk about how to explore dominance and submission in the bedroom and how to use all those kinky toys to have a sexy good time. Learn how to bring some “oh my” into your own sex life!

PLEASE buy your tickets ahead of time if you’re planning on coming…it’s cheaper for you and guarantee’s that the class happens!

$20 in advance, $25 at the door

308A (rear) Harvard Street
Brookline, MA 02446
(617) 264-4400 Map
Store Events

Categories
Articles

“That” Question

“So, what did you say you do for a living?”

That question, no matter how many times I’ve heard it, always makes my heart skip a beat. It is not a simple question to answer and only opens up a torrent of other questions inside my head, which causes me to pause. And the pause rarely goes unnoticed. Who doesn’t know how to explain what they do for a living?

My answer depends a lot on those other internal questions: How long have I known this person? What is the context in which they know me? Do they appear open minded? Is an honest answer going to change the way they interact with me? Is this going to out-right freak them out?

My experience of sharing honestly has varied considerably. I have certainly had positive experiences, but I have frequently been surprised by those that I thought would take it in stride but instead become offended, even disgusted. All too often I have felt sad at how the declaration of my career choice has derailed a conversation or friendship that otherwise began very well.

My having moved much more into the education realm has admittedly made my response more palatable to others. Hearing “sexuality educator” is very different than “professional dominatrix.” The individual might not really know what I mean by either phrase, but the former is certainly less intimidating than the latter. Regardless, deciding how to respond to this innocuous – but oh so bothersome! – question remains a difficult decision for me every time.

Frankly, either way I answer feels like I’m going to get screwed (and not in the fun way). If I lie, then I’m not being true to myself; I am not presenting the proud professional pervert that I actually am. I am proud of my life, my accomplishments, and the incredibly intimate and amazing experiences I’ve shared with so many in the kink community. But, on the other hand, if I tell the truth, then I have to see that “look.” The same look that everyone gets, whether they accept/approve of what I do or not. The look that says: “What the F*ck?! Really? YOU?!” The look that illustrates the shocking incongruity: this nice “normal” person does, um, illicit things for a living.

I have lied, many times actually. My usual answer is that I do “website and new media development,” which is both sufficiently vague yet accurate. If they probe deeper, then I say that I own my own business; that I have a tech person that handles the actual building of the sites, and I serve as the PR person and general manager of the business. Um, yeah.

Every time I say that half-truth, my heart hurts for a moment. But sometimes an honest response is just not appropriate given the time constraints (if I’m on an airplane and don’t want to spend the flight giving a kink 101 class). Other times I know that I’m going to be interacting with the person out in the “real” world, and it’s just not worth disturbing their image of me. But when the opportunity presents itself, and I sense that the person who asked the question – the inquiry that has become “THAT” question in my life – might be open to the real answer; then I take the plunge. I say it. And though my heart skips yet another beat, and I can’t help but (still) be a bit anxious about their response, I feel proud that I have stood up and spoken my truth.

Categories
Interviews

SPECTRA Interview with Kali Williams

1. Can you explain what type of coaching you offer?

My focus is on relationships with a Dominant/submissive dynamic as well as those who like to explore “kinky play” at any level. I help couples and individuals discover what they’re really looking for out of these experiences and provide them with concrete suggestions on how to make them happen. Focusing on “real life” solutions to bringing kink into a relationship, I use a playful approach to keep things sexy and fun.

2. How did you come into that style of coaching?

After being a professional dominatrix for almost a decade I’ve learned a lot about how to make play happen! Many kinky ideas come naturally to me, but that’s not usually the case for my clients. I started coaching so that I could help couples feel inspired about their kinky desires and to broaden their experience of trust, intimacy, joy and connection all through their kinky playtime.

3. Are you looking for a certain type of client?

I coach people at all levels, whether one partner is trying to introduce kink into the relationship for the first time or both partners have been playing for a long time and need a refreasher or some new inspiration. Regardless all of my clients walk away with an actionable plan to reach their sexy, kinky goals.
4. Please list any individuals that have influenced you in your practice?

All of my learning is self-motivated. Unfortunately there hasn’t been a strong mentoring process in the kink world, either for pro-domming or this type of coaching. I read a lot about psychology and relationships, communication and avoiding procrastination. Then I take those ideas and extrapolate them into a kinky experience.
5. What is one piece of advice you could give to professionals just starting in the field of sexuality?

Read, observe, ask questions, make notes and realize that the sexuality world has a lot of moving parts. Find the niche that suits you the best and focus on it. I’m a big believer in being a master of one subject rather than a jack (or jill J) of all trades. You can also use some of the great online learning opportunities such as Fetlife.com (although take a lot of that writing with a grain of salt, there are many people on there claiming to be experts that are anything but). I also run two websites that are great resources for sexuality professionals, KinkAcademy.com and PassionateU.com where you can watch videos featuring techniques and concepts by many of the most respected names in sex/kink education.

6. If you could recommend only one book for our readers, what would it be?

I have to pick just one?! For those looking to get into kink specifically, Dr. Gloria Brame’s “Different Loving” gives a good overview of the most frequently pursued kink experiences. Through anecdotes it’s a great introduction into the kink experience. You can check out her website here http://www.gloriabrame.com/

 

Originally posted on SPECTRA written by Lucy Lemons

Categories
Videos

Kali Williams – SXSW Proposal Video

Whips, chains, & floggers, oh my! Fifty Shades might not make good literature, but it is one hell of a catalyst for conversation. The astounding popularity of the Fifty Shades trilogy has brought kink out into the sunlight, but now what? What happens when poorly researched fanfic is used as a mainstream cultural reference point? These books could fade as a fad or they could be leveraged as a new way of being open about sexual desires & normalizing kinky fantasies. Couples have been furtively bought feathered riding crops & fur-lined handcuffs for decades, only now it’s becoming socially acceptable to admit it. Learning the difference between fantasy, reality & abuse is a key element to healthy kinky expression but on this point Fifty Shades fails miserably. The books start as sexy inspiration but ends up promoting unrealistic expectations & false stereotypes. Yet when the books are used to arouse a social sexual awakening & get people talking, they hit the mark perfectly.